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Back_to_the_Fuhrer - all messages by user

2011/5/26 22:24:12
Industrial-scale collaboration Oh, and then it zooms to Hitler's face and he says...
Yes! YES! With this, a glorious new age for the Nazis shall begin: the Third Reich... in the fourth dimension!
2011/5/26 22:19:13
Industrial-scale collaboration Here's a suggestion for how the first scene might go. Feel free to comment. Any criticism will be much appreciated, even if followed swiftly by a bombardment of death threats.

Back to the Führer

Scene One
(A Nazi general is walking purposefully through the corridors of Hitler’s bunker. He goes through a large pair of double doors into Hitler’s office. Hitler is sitting at his desk. Behind him is a large swastika-adorned flag. On the walls on either side are a picture of Hitler and Stalin smiling together with ‘Me and Joe ‘39’ written on it, a newspaper clipping saying ‘Hitler approval ratings 112% for 3rd year running’ and a graph with ‘Number of Jews’ plotted over ‘Baby deaths’, the line going sharply downwards).
General (gently and anxiously): Mein Führer, word has just reached us that General Steiner has been unable to mobilise troops.
(Pause).
He will not be able to come to Berlin’s rescue.
(Pause).
Hitler (quietly, shocked): How long... until Berlin is encircled?
General: It will be... several days at most, Mein Führer.
(Pause).
Hitler (in a hollow voice, eyes wide): Several days... all is lost... Germany will fall.
(Pause).
Hitler: Goodbye, cruel world.
(He reaches for a gun on his table).
General (hurriedly): Wait, Mein Führer! All is not lost just yet! There is one thing which may be able to save Germany.
Hitler (desperately): Go on.
General: Admittedly, it’s a last resort, and might well not work...
Hitler (reaching for the gun): Goodbye, cruel world...
General (hurriedly): ...but it could work! It could!
Hitler (pausing over the gun): What is it, then?
General: A secret project upon which the military has been working for ten years. Germany’s finest scientific minds have been recruited to assist in its development, as well as Germany’s finest mime artist... not quite sure why.
Hitler (building in anger): Wait. So you are telling me that there has been a project which could win us the war under development for ten whole years and nobody thought to tell me?
(Pause. He becomes sad).
Hitler (his voice cracking): That’s so mean.
(He reaches for the gun).
General (with a hint of irritation): Mein Führer, we considered it necessary that you have plausible deniability. Had you been captured by the enemy, the whole project, and with it the future of the Third Reich, could have been compromised.
(Pause).
Hitler: What an awful thought.
(He reaches for the gun. The general slams his hand on Hitler’s).
General: Stop it!
Hitler (leaning back in his chair): Sorry, I get emotional sometimes. Very well. Show it to me.
(It cuts to Hitler and the general walking up to a large metal door, at either side of which is an armed guard).
Guard: Stop. Pass code?
General: Oh... um... it’s on the tip of my tongue...
(He clicks his fingers, trying to remember. The other guard flaps his arms behind the first guard’s back).
General: That’s it! Blackbird!
(The guard pushes a button and the door slides open. Hitler and the general go in).
General: Welcome, Mein Führer, to Operation Indigo Sword of Soul-Tearing Hellfire and the Blood-soaked Apocalypse.
(It zooms out to show them in a vast room with a large number of scientists scurrying around a large object with a cloth draped over it. A scientist approaches).
General: This is Dr. Engel Grinder, the scientific genius who is known at Belsen as ‘The Angel of Doom’.
(Dr. Grinder turns round to reveal that he has ‘The Angel of Doom’ written on his back).
Grinder: Ta-dah!
General (impatiently, flatly): Very nice.
(A mime artist walks up, salutes, and starts doing the glass box actions).
General: And this is Gotthold Ovitt, Germany’s greatest mime artist.
Hitler: What’s he saying?
General: It’s probably ‘Hail the motherland.’
Grinder: No, he’s pretending to be stuck in a glass box.
General: Oh, I see.
Grinder: Anyhow, Mein Führer, what you are about to see is a device which, if all goes to plan, could well transform the fortunes of the Third Reich. Operation Indigo Sword of Soul-Tearing Hellfire and the Blood-soaked Apocalypse is, I believe, our last hope.
Hitler: Its name’s a bit overdone, isn’t it?
General: Told you, Engel.
Grinder: Well, it’s better than your idea, with that poncey foreign word.
General: Blitzkrieg.
Grinder: That’s the one.
General: Enough of this. Unveil the device!
(Several scientists rush round, and the cloth is pulled off, unveiling a Wells-esque time machine).
General: Behold: the world’s first and only... time machine!
(Sinister music plays, as the camera zooms in to the time machine).
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